Answer an Email: Poor in Spirit

Dear XXX:
Wow, Sermon on the Mount is big and it’s hard to walk it out, but it is Christian basics, the litmus test of our ministry and whether we are the true follower of Christ. What is “poor in spirit”? Here is my personal journey, not much of a theology.

Last week Samuel and Cheryl were sick, sick to the point that if we were in L.A., we would have taken them to see a doctor type of sick. But we are not sure if our old insurance covers them here, so we did not go to any doctor. I cried to God for healing. At the same time, I claimed that God is a good God and He did not bring out here to destroy us. I refused to live like the Israelites in the wilderness, complaining and faithless. I wept for my kids and wept for my faithlessness.
A few days later they were totally healed. Right around then a lady from the State Department called and asked me for more documents so they might put our kids on the State insurance. I thought that we were not qualified because we are below the income level. Hearing her made me realized that there was still hope for their coverage so I wept again, thanking God.
At a moment I actually paused and laughed at myself. I wept when there was no insurance and I wept again when there was a sign of having insurance. “What is the matter with me?” Then I thought about the many weeping moments in the past three months. I wept when I felt God’s close embrace and I wept when I felt God distant from me. I wept when other missionaries here bless me materially and I wept when we could bless them in return. I only wept this much when Joshua was having Infantile Spasm and even that only lasted a few months, but I know that this will go on for a long time.

Bro, to be frank, I don’t like to weep, at least not in my flesh, I don’t. Men, Asian men, are taught to shed blood and not to shed tears. But I would give my tears if that moves me a little close to God’s heart. I will not trade this place for anywhere else if I can just gain a little revelation of the Person of Jesus Christ, even if that means lacking materially or without insurance. I feel like I encounter Jesus more here just three months than three, four years in the seminary. So I will weep, I will bear all kinds of cross, just to have a little taste of His Kingdom.

Bro, to be frank again, I am scared, too. I am not strong at all. I have to come before God and ask for His grace and mercy everyday, otherwise I would run away and not “make it”. But I really believe that Jesus was serious when He said do not worry about what we eat or wear, so I am contending for my faith - not just talk the talk, but walk the talk. I really believe that Jesus really meant what he said about “blessed are the poor in the spirit”, so I am willing to be broken. The more I am into following His words, the more that I realize how far away I am from them and how much grace I need.

This is a good place to be. There are so many trials everyday but at the same time, so much grace, which make me much more thankful than when I have more circumstantial securities before. I weep more but there is also a deeper level of peace and joy.

Jesus had everything in heaven, but He made Himself nothing. I am yet to ponder on the depth of that, but it shows me, He was after something more than just the personal glory, comfort and security. He wants God’s Kingdom more than anything else. Jesus is the ultimate example of being “poor in spirit”.