祂的完美帶領 His Perfect Leadership

他帶我入筵宴所，以愛為旗在我以上。（歌 2:4）

He brought me to the banqueting house,
And his banner over me was love.  (Song 2:4)

我們是大概兩年半前買了這棟房子，在堪薩斯市，租房子比買房子還貴（跟洛杉磯非常不同），但是我們搬進來後，我就很討厭這棟房子。我會巡視這棟房子的牆壁，找到所有的裂縫，然後劃綫，寫下日期，看有沒有越裂越嚴重；這房子的二樓是有點斜的，我很怕有一天這房子會垮下去；然後打開暖氣之後，主臥室的牆中每個5秒竟然還發出「噠-噠-噠」的聲音，吵得我只好搬到另外一間去睡。所以，前面一年半真是很慘，我當時找了地產中介，幾乎想馬上賣掉，但是秀君和孩子們似乎都很喜歡這棟房子。

We bought this house almost two and half years ago.  Paying rent is more expensive than owning a house at Kansas City (very different from Los Angeles).  However, ever since we moved in, I struggled and despised the house.  I would walk around the house looking for cracks on every wall and drew a line on it and wrote down the dates to see if the cracks grew over time.  Second floor was tilted which bothered me very much and caused me to wonder if the house would tumble one day.  When we turned on the heater, there was a da-da-da noise on the master bedroom every 5 seconds which annoyed me very much so that I could not sleep in that room.  The first year and half was horrible.  I wanted to sell it immediately and even told my real estate agent about it, but Siew and the kids seemed to enjoy it.

我詢問神這棟房子是出於祂，還是出於我的肉體，祂馬上給我印證是出於祂，要我住下來，我聽是聽到了，但百思不解，怎麼會這麼討厭一棟房子，但是卻是祂對我的旨意。

I asked God if this house was from Him or from my own flesh.  He gave me confirmations immediately that it was from Him and He wanted me to stay in this house.  I got His message but I didn’t get how a house I disliked so much can be His will for me.  

之後我得了癌症，住在台灣6個月，現在我又搬回來，住在這個房子4個月，我才發現這應該是目前最適合我們的房子。第一，這個房子沒有垮，而那些裂縫也沒有日益嚴重。然後，惠玲阿姨就住在我們隔壁一棟，她總是笑笑的，非常會照顧人，真是天上派來的鄰居，舉例，我在台灣的時候，秀君有一次生病，她就帶食物過來，幫忙看三個小孩，之前也幫我們看孩子，讓我和秀君去約會；光是在她住在隔壁，這房子就是無價之寶了，別的房子沒得比的。邵牧師家在惠玲阿姨家的下一棟，我們倆家的小孩去同一所學校，這學校已經離我們的房子超近了，開車大概一分鐘就到了，但是在下雪天，因為他們的車子是四輪啓動的，所以我們的孩子可以搭他們的車上課，我們可以借他們的車去買菜。另外一邊住的是乃慈、Ann、Christine和一群女孩子，她們會跑過來幫我們剷雪，我們會交換食物。我和秀君可以達任何這些鄰居的便車，大家都是 IHOPKC 的同工，都是去一樣的聚會。我想我們應該很長一段時間不會搬離這裡。

Then I got cancer and moved to Taiwan for six months.  I have lived in this house again now for 4 months after I came back from Taiwan, and now I see why this is probably the best house for us.  For one thing, the house did not tumble down nor the cracks grew.  Then, Huilin lives right next door.  She is always cheerful and extremely helpful, a neighbor sent from heaven.  When Siew was sick while I was in Taiwan, for example, she came over and brought soup and took care of the kids.  She babysat our kids before so Siew and I could go on a date.  She being our neighbor is priceless; no other house can replace.  The Shao’s live two doors down the right and our kids went to the same school.  The school is so close to the house, which is like 1 minute drive from our houses.  In snowy days, they take our kids to school and we borrow their car for grocery shopping since their cars are 4X4’s.  Two doors down to the left are Ezrela, Ann, Christine and other girls who helped us shoveling snow and exchange food with us.  Siew and I can hitch a ride from any of these three IHOPKC neighbors; we all go to the same meetings.  I don’t think that we want to move away from them for a long while.

我們兩年半以前搬進這棟房子的時候，我沒有預測到我會得到癌症，但是祂知道我的需要，「祂以愛為旗在我以上」意思是祂的帶領是完美的，沒有錯誤的。「我不喜歡我所擁有的」或「我不喜歡我所經歷的」並不表示祂就不是一位好牧者，祂知道我們所需要的，遠遠超過我們自己所了解的。祂仁慈地在災難來臨之前，預先把我們搬進一個住處（趁我還有力氣搬家的時候），當然，那時候我無法預知我的將來，而我的眼目只是鎖定在我個人的喜好上面。哦，多希望我當時就相信祂的帶領，也許我就根本不會得癌症，但是現在仍然不會太遲，我還是可以選擇相信祂現在的帶領。

我現在可以在那個「噠-噠-噠」的聲音中安然入睡，因為生命在祂的手中，所以平安在我的心中。

When we moved in two and half years ago, I did not foresee that I would get cancer.  However, He knew my needs beforehand.  “His banner over me is love” means that His leadership over me is perfect.  “I don’t like what I have” or “I don’t like what I am going through” does not nullify the fact that He is the good Shepherd; He knows about my needs more and better than I do.  He was kind enough to send us into a place early (while I had the strength to move around) to prepare us for the future catastrophe.  Of course, I did not see all that before it happened and my eyes were all occupied with my preferences of life.  Oh, how I wished I had trusted Him with my heart.  Perhaps I would never get cancer at first place if I had just trusted Him.  Anyway, it is not too late now.  I can choose to believe in His leadership now. 

Now I can even sleep through that da-da-da noise because my life is in His hand, so there is peace in my soul.