Casting Crown 獻上冠冕

 

¹⁰ the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say: (Rev 4:10)

那二十四位長老就俯伏在坐寶座的面前敬拜那活到永永遠遠的，又把他們的冠冕放在寶座前，說：（啓4:10）

The twenty four elders casted their crowns at God’s feet.  I was astounded for a few days when I realized what this verse means.  We strive for our crowns during this life and yet at the end of the day, we want to offer it to You in heaven.  I love You so much that I want to give the best that I have to You, and the best thing that I will ever have is the reward that I will receive from You.  So it is all about getting the best from You so I can give it back to You.  This entire process is about loving You.  If I live for this reality, then I will not live to please myself or chaste after what everyone thinks it’s cool, but only on the things that You are pleased with.

二十四位長老把他們的冠冕放在神的腳前，這節經文的意義讓我震驚了好幾天。我們在此生所努力的冠冕，最後都是要獻給神。主啊，我愛你到一個地步，我要把我最好的獻給你，而我所擁有最好的東西，就是我從你那裏所贏得的獎賞。所以這一切就是為了從你那裏贏得最好的，再把它獻給你，這整個過程都是為了愛你。假如我活著就是為了這個事實，那麼我就活著就不再為了取悅自己或取悅別人，但是單單為了你所喜悅的事而活。

After cancer treatments, I want to live the rest of my life (maybe 3 months, maybe 40 years) to understand Your love more and more each day.  That was what I told myself before I came back to the U.S.  Yet when I came back, there were still disciplining my kids and overdue projects from IHOPKC, the same chaotic swirl of life.  I was like, how can I know more about Your love in the midst of all these needs and demands? 

癌症治療之後，回來美國之前，我對自己這樣許願，我渴慕用我餘生（也許3個月，也許40年）的每一天來更多認識你的愛。但是我回來美國之後，還是要管教孩子，趕稿件，一堆生活中混亂的瑣事，我就想，我在這麼多地需要和責任裏面，怎麼能更認識你的愛呢？

Then someone asked me to help out with editing a handbook that was translated into Chinese.  This handbook was not written by IHOPKC well-known leaders and the subject was not appealing to me.  There were other urgent files waiting for me to work on.  I did it anyway because the person who asked me was a close friend, but I grumbled along the way, thinking, “I might only have three months left and I am doing this?”  After 3, 4 days, the project was finally done and I emailed the handbook file back to the author, who called me back to thank me.  On the phone, I told him that I usually translated and edited for IHOPKC “big shots” only so God must really like him a lot.  I was teasing and mocking him but surprisingly, he wept and wept twice on the phone, and thanked God and thanked me for doing this for him.  After the conversation, I was reminded of the prostitute at Simon’s house (Luke 7:36-50) and I was convicted that this was “the project” that God wanted me to work on.  God whispered to me, “Which big shot that I translated and edited before ever came back and thank me? (Not that they have to)  If you want to know more about my love, look out for people and opportunities to serve people like this without recognition.”  Wow, I almost missed His heart and will for me.  I was looking for something “significant” to accomplish within the short span of my life, but forgot all over again that true significance is not defined by people’s view (even IHOPKC people) but God’s view.      

然後有人請我幫忙校對一本中文手冊，這本手冊不是禱告殿裏面什麼知名領袖的著作，我對手冊的題目和内容也不感興趣，而且我手上還有幾個快到期的稿件。因為請我幫忙的人是很熟的朋友，所以我還是勉爲其難的校對了，但是一邊校對，一邊抱怨，“我都快沒命了，還在忙這種事？” 弄了3，4天，終於弄完了，電子稿傳給作者交差，他打電話回來向我道謝，在電話裏，我告訴他，我通常只幫禱告殿裏的“大人物”翻譯校對，所以神一定很愛他，我是在揶揄嘲笑他，但是沒想到，他哭了，還哭了兩次，他在電話上一邊哭，一邊感謝神，又感謝我。和他掛了電話之後，我想到路加福音7章36到50節西門家妓女的故事，覺得很扎心，確定這本手冊才是神當時要我做的工作。神輕聲地說，“你以前幫忙翻譯校對的哪一個大人物，曾經回來謝謝過你（他們都不需要謝我）？假如你要更多認識我的愛，那麼就更多服事這樣的人，不求回報。”哇，我差一點又錯過了祂對我的心意和旨意，我一直在為我短暫的生命尋找“重要”的事情來完成，但是又忘記了真正“重要”的意義，不是來自人的眼光（即使禱告殿裏的人），而是來自神的眼光。