乞丐王子 The Beggar and the Prince

5誰像耶和華─我們的神呢？他坐在至高之處，6自己謙卑，觀看天上地下的事。7他從灰塵裡擡舉貧寒人，從糞堆中提拔窮乏人，8使他們與王子同坐，就是與本國的王子同坐。9他使不能生育的婦人安居家中，為多子的樂母。你們要讚美耶和華！（詩篇113：5-9）
5 Who is like the LORD our God, who dwells on high, 6 who humbles Himself to behold the things that are in the heavens and in the earth? 7 He raises the poor out of the dust, and lifts the needy out of the ash heap, 8 that He may seat him with princes— with the princes of His people.  9 He grants the barren woman a home, like a joyful mother of children.  Praise the LORD!  (Psalm 113: 5 – 9)

開完刀後一個星期左右，我對 神說：“告訴我你有多愛我，我要再聼一次！”
About a week after the surgery, I asked God, “Tell me how much You love me.  I want to hear it again.”

第二天，一位在醫院工作多年的慧珍姐妹來探望我，她說到，越知道醫院内部運作的情形，就會知道其實去醫院看醫生都是隨便排的（剛掛牌看診的醫生也需要有病人），所以除非你熟悉各科的醫生，否則就是隨便就醫了。小病就算了，大家都差不多，但是遇到大病、嚴重的病，醫生好不好，真的差很多。若是要找到好醫生（你這個病症的專家，經驗豐富，還有研究報告），還真得有些辦法。我的張簡俊榮醫生應該是台灣數一數二的大醫院中直腸科四位教授級（最高等級）的醫生中，年資最久、最有經驗、出過不少研究報告的醫生。我回台灣第二天就安排和他會診，第二星期就開始用藥醫治，沒有耽誤治療時間。我這個人無論是在台灣，還是美國，都是沒錢沒名沒權勢的小人物，怎麼會立刻就找到好醫生，而且看病、住病房都可以插隊呢？都是因為我認得那位在天上的大醫生的緣故。
Hui-Zhen who worked in the hospital for many years came to visit me the next day.  She told us that a patient is usually treated by random doctors (new, inexperienced doctors also need to have patients), so unless you are familiar with the doctors, you will get whoever is available.  There is not much difference when it comes to minor illness but if your case is serious, then a veteran doctor on your area makes a lot of difference.  To find a good doctor (expertise, experiences and even publish medical reports) requires connections and sometimes financial resources.  My doctor is one of the four “professor level” doctors in probably the most prominent hospital in Taiwan with the most seniority, experiences and medical reports on colorectal cancer.  I met with him the second day I arrived Taiwan and was treated immediately without any delay.  Honestly, no matter in Taiwan or in the United States, I am just a nobody with no money, no fame and no power.  So how did I find a good doctor immediately?  And how can I cut in line when it comes to doctor visits and waiting for the overcrowded hospital rooms?  It is all because I know the Big Doc in heaven.   
 
過了一、兩天後，Rebecca 來醫院探望，正好是傍晚的時候，看到我的病房，說這太誇張了吧，台灣很少有病房可以這樣看著夕陽下山，視野這麼遼闊，風景這麼好的。我想，是啊！我住的都是最好的病房，而且醫療費都有人奉獻。又想到一個月前，住台中的Esther來探望我們，她是一位護士，聽到我的情形，說連在台灣本地人都很少有我這樣的待遇。我的姐夫探望我時也說，（好的）工作不能等你等幾個月，所以就算有癌症，大部分的人還是抱病上班，不然就是放棄工作，但放棄工作，經濟上又會有危機，還有醫療帳單，所以我這樣可以沒有後顧之憂、專心養病的情形，很少見。
A day or two afterwards, Rebecca came to the hospital to visit us.  She saw my hospital room and exclaimed that this is too luxurious.  How rare it is to stay at a hospital room in Taiwan with such a great view!  It is next to a pond and full of trees and one can see the sun sets from my room without any obstruction.  Yes, I have been staying at the best hospital room and every medical bill has been paid for.  About a month ago, Esther from Taiwan came to visit.  She is a nurse and after she heard my case, she mentioned that it is rare for even the locals to get the type of treatments that I got.  My brother-in-law came to visit me also said that (good) jobs won’t wait around for you for several months.  Therefore, people usually work even with cancers, unless they want to give up their jobs.  If they lose their jobs, their finance will be in crisis and they also have to deal with the medical bills.  It is rare to see people can focus on their treatments without any financial burdens.

想到15 年前，我決定要全時間出來服事 神的時候，有一位長老勸我不要想不開，工作好的很，不要去做牧師，等於做乞丐。3年前，神更是感動我放下牧養的工作，放棄固定的薪水，放棄醫療保險，過信心生活。我回應：我願意，但是你要看顧我的生活，讓我不愁收入，不生大病。祂那一年對我說了3次，詩篇34篇10節：“少壯獅子還缺食忍餓，但尋求耶和華的什麼好處都不缺。” 我們全家的衣食的確從來沒有短缺過，但是，小孩還大病過幾次，現在我又得癌症，但是卻發現，我仍然真的什麼好處都不缺，祂的信實真的可以為糧（詩 37:3）。
I remember 15 years ago, when I first decided to serve God full-time, an elder urged me not to give up my promising job to become a beggar.  3 years ago, God invited to give up my pastoral job and live by faith without a steady income and medical insurance.  I said yes to Him but asked Him to keep me out of financial lacking and serious illnesses.  He said to me three times that year:  “The young lions lack and suffer hunger; but those who seek the LORD shall not lack any good thing.” (Psalm 34:10)  We never lacked any food or clothes since, but the kids got sick couple of times and now I got cancer.  Even so, I find that I still never lack any good thing and feed on His faithfulness (Psalm 37:3).

更誇張的是，這三年來， 神一直帶領我研讀雅歌的信息，這個愛耶穌的信息不受教會界的歡迎，有時候我真的不知道我在做什麼，只好問神：“確定嗎？要我這樣一直專注在一篇沒人要聼的信息上面嗎？”答案是肯定的，我就一直順服下去，不知道“前途”將如何。結果，三年後，我就對台灣的一個機構講了一次雅歌的信息（在美國分享了幾次），而這個機構就成為我在對抗癌症中最忠實的財務上和禱告上夥伴，醫生是他們安排的，醫療費是他們奉獻的，每一天有幾十位或上百位的同工為我禱告。想想，這都是因為一篇雅歌的信息，這樣的屬靈旅程和這樣不可思議的恩寵真的是我測不透的，有些瘋狂！
In the past 3 years, God has led me to study the message of Song of Songs, an unpopular message amongst the church world.  Sometimes I really have no clue of what I am doing so I would ask Him, “Are You sure?  Do You want me just focus on this one message that no one wants to hear?”  The answer that I got from Him was affirmative so I continued to obey Him with knowing what is going to happen to my future.  The result is that after 3 years, I spoke the message of Song of Songs to one organization one time (I shared a few times in the U.S.) and this very organization became my most faithful financial and prayer partner in Taiwan helping me to fight cancer: they found me the doctor, paid for my medical bills and tens or hundreds of their staffs prayed for me daily.  It is all because of one Song of Songs message.  To ponder over this spiritual journey and this incredible favor is quite beyond my comprehension and a little crazy to me.

在發現得癌症和就醫的這件事上，覺得 神一直在提醒我，我擁有王子的待遇，雖然我什麼都沒有，連可以拿出來的信息就是那一百零一篇雅歌的信息，但是就是因為認識祂，順服祂，祂就提拔了我。投靠祂真的勝於投靠人，投靠王子。耶穌成了乞丐，我才能成為王子。還是那一句老話，你為什麼對我這麼好？
Throughout this whole process of cancer, God keeps on reminding me that I have been treated like a prince.  Even though I have nothing and the only message that I have is the Song of Songs message, He has lifted me up because I know Him and obey Him.  Relying on Him is really better than relying on people and on princes.  Jesus has become a beggar so I can be a prince.  I am still wondering, “Why are You so good to me?”

與袋共舞 Dancing with the Bag

            這是一個嚴肅的話題，很多直腸科的癌症病患願意談電療、化療、手術的過程，但是一提到造口（人工肛門），就尷尬無言。為了手術後讓直腸恢復，避免腹膜炎，於是在腹部上開個口（我的造口是三個月暫時性的，有些人是永久性的），讓糞便從造口裏出來，不會傷害剛剛動完手術的直腸，於是隨身要帶著一個裝便便的袋子（造口袋，罩口袋，便袋，水肥袋）。

            我只用了罩口袋不到兩個星期，稱不上是造口袋達人，但是以我的觀察和經驗，這個裝便便的袋子有三個不便，一個方便。第一個不便，當然就是隨身帶著便便，怕發出異味，又怕袋子會破，會有意外，當場難看。第二個不便，就是要常常清洗，會覺得骯髒，自我形像低落，覺得生活品質變差。第三個不便，就是照顧罩口和罩口袋，一開始是要適應大腸出來比較水的便便，之後有時候會遇到皮破，發炎可能等等的一些醫護上的處理過程。不過，幸好還有一個方便，就是你可以隨時隨地便便，再也不怕上厠所來不及，因為你身上隨時都有一個活動廁所。

            有造口的人還有互助會，稱為“玫瑰俱樂部”，因為腸子從肚子裏拉出來，呈粉紅色，像是一朵玫瑰花。有些人有造口之後，乾脆就不出門，不再社交。有些人有造口之後，活的多彩多姿，長途旅行度假。不少人喜歡為自己的造口取名字，還以主治醫生的名字命名，“我要去處理一下我的‘湯米’”；“我的‘多多’又在耍脾氣了”。原來每一種狀況，都會發展出自己的文化出來。台北車站就附有“造口廁所”，專供有造口的人使用。

造口袋的型號和款式有好幾種，可以按自己的喜好作選擇。我選的是兩件式的，分造口袋和造口底座，這樣的造口袋比較容易清洗、更換。造口袋，造口底座都不便宜，我想美國會更貴，在台灣，一個造口底座可以買整袋成人尿布。我現在出去買東西，都會以造口袋來換算，這個麵包等於半個造口袋的價錢，這把雨傘等於兩個造口袋。

我是一個小有潔癖的人，當然不喜歡處理造口，帶兩、三個口罩，還是覺得那感性的味道無孔不入。不過換了幾天的造口袋，現在動作越來越熟練了。也很快就發現哪些食物讓脹氣，使造口袋膨脹，哪些食物會讓你的便便臭氣衝天。這是非常特別的生活體驗，雖然只有三個月的時間，我決定要與我造口袋共舞，一起去享受生活，經歷雅歌。不知道“小大衛”這個名字，大家覺得如何？

大好消息 Great News

            兩個半月前，剛回台灣的時候，我的主治醫生看到我電腦斷層的報告，看到我的肝上面也有瘤的時候，就先診斷我是直腸癌轉移肝，癌症四期。

            When I came back to Taiwan two and half months ago, my doctor saw the report of my CAT Scan.  There were tumors (3) on my liver, so his diagnosis of my condition was colorectal cancer with metastasis to the liver–stage 4.

            之後又做了正子分析檢查（放射科醫生和我聊比較多，說我是特別待遇，因為很少聽説為癌症病患做這個檢查，表示主治醫生對我很小心），發現肝上面的瘤對葡萄糖完全沒有反應，但是主治醫生直等到檢查完一個月後，和分析師會診，才確定地告訴我，肝上的腫瘤是良性的，不是癌細胞。但是看到我的淋巴結腫脹，所以他診斷是直腸癌擴散淋巴結，癌症三期。

            Afterwards, my doctor ordered PET Scan for me (My radiation doctor and I talked a lot and he told me that I was getting special treatment because he rarely saw cancer patients getting PET Scan, which shows my doctor was very careful on my case).  The test result was that the tumors on my liver were completely unresponsive to the glucose, but my doc waited a month, after he talked to the analyst, then he confirmed with me that the tumors on my liver were not cancerous.  However, my lymph nodes seemed to be swollen so he modified his diagnosis to colorectal cancer with metastasis to the lymph nodes–stage 3.  

            上個星期開刀，取出病灶做化驗，第一份報告發現我的淋巴結上完全沒有癌細胞，我的主治醫生還是很小心地告訴我，有可能是電化療成功地除去淋巴結上的癌細胞。無論之前淋巴結本來有沒有癌細胞，都是好消息，因為擴散的幾率變小。昨天第二份報告出來，發現我的癌細胞只有擴散到肌肉層（腸壁有四層，肌肉層是第三層），所以沒有到淋巴結，現在把我的病症降到癌症二期。

            I had surgery last week to take out the part of the colon that was infected.  A few days later, the first lymph node biopsy report showed that my lymph node had no sign of cancer whatsoever.  My doc being very careful told me that possibly there were cancers before but they were destroyed by the radiation and chemotherapy.  No matter there were or were not cancers on my lymph nodes at first, it was a great sign because the possibility of metastasis was greatly reduced.  Yesterday the second report came out, which showed my cancer cells only grew to the muscle layer (there are 4 layers in the colon, and the muscle layer is the third layer), so it did not get to the lymph nodes (layer), so I am stage 2.  

            開刀拿癌的腫瘤出來時，要多拿6公分左右，怕附近有儀器尚未察覺出的癌細胞，並也作研究。腫瘤越短當然越好拿，這是開刀前電化療的主要目的，要縮小腫瘤（放射科醫生又說我是特別待遇，因為大部分都是直接開刀，再跟進治療，但開刀前就做治療是按照書上的方法做，再次表示出我的主治醫生對我特別用心）。我可能要歸納在成功療程裏了，因為兩個半月前，我的直腸瘤大約是5公分左右，開刀前再檢查，只剩2.5cm左右。

            The doctors take out extra 6cm of colon during the surgery to make sure surrounding colon is not infected and for research purposes as well.  Of course tumor is better and easier to take out if shorter.  This is the primary purpose of radiation and chemotherapy before the surgery–to downsize the tumor.  (Now my radiation doctor said that I am privileged again because he rarely seemed this done, but the procedure here is often surgery first then treatment later.  The way my doctor is doing is according to the book, which again demonstrates that he pays extra attention on me).  I guess that I am one of the successful case, because two and half months ago, my tumor was about 5cm and before surgery, it was reduced to about 2.5cm.

            看到這樣的結果，真是要再一次謝謝大家的禱告和愛護，我接受了醫學的治療，但我更相信禱告大有功效！不知道下個月會不會就說，只是癌症一期…

            When I see this result, I want to once again thank everyone for your prayers and love!  I received medical treatments, but I believe the power of prayers even more.  Maybe next month, the medical report will come out and say, it was actually stage 1?!?

大戰前夕

明天就要開刀了，之前醫生都沒有多說什麼，但是今天護理師告訴我一些細節。她說，我開刀時會全身麻醉，沒有知覺，醒來之後，我身上會插一些管子，鼻胃管，尿管，胃導管，點滴之類的。開刀完的第一天，傷口會很痛，我就會躺在那裏，她們會給我一些止痛劑。第二天她們就會來逼我下牀運動，所以腸胃可以蠕動排氣。但是，光是能自己喝水這一項，可能要等到兩、三天後，張簡俊榮醫生看過，說可以，才可以開始給我喝水。理想是手術後七天左右可以出院，而且，這些都是假設手術完全順利，沒有任何的問題，才會這樣（禱告：完全順利！沒有任何問題！耶穌開刀，大醫生握著小醫生的手！）。我還很天真地問她，可不可以直接麻醉個五天，都不痛了，管子都拔光了，再把我叫醒；真的沒有這種服務嗎？或者，其實並不會這麼嚴重，只是護士講嚴重一點，讓我有心理準備。

今天早上，張簡醫生來探房的時候，說我的電腦斷層報告，發現癌的腫瘤縮小了（怎麼沒有完全消失呢？），而肝的腫瘤看起來還是良性的血管瘤。然後，我中午去照腸鏡，那裏的人也說，癌的腫瘤好像被割過一樣，變小了，都是好消息啦。所以，就繼續奮戰吧，為了下有妻小，上有高堂，讓我們一起手連著手，心連著心，一起和平、奮鬥、傳揚神的國！這時候還蠻想聼一些愛國歌曲，以增加士氣，只是不知道下次寫部落格是什麼時候！

代禱信 Prayer Letter 12

我這個星期三做完第四次化療，明顯地感覺到自己胖了一些，聼說化療會減肥，但是我怎麼瘦不下來呢？我可能下巴尖不起來，要讓一些人失望了！

 I have finished my 4th chemotherapy this Wednesday and obviously I have gained weight.  It’s often heard that chemo will help you to lose weight but it did not work on me for some reason, so those who are expecting a slimmer Jerry will be disappointed.

今天醫院打電話來，告訴我病床已經預備好了，明天如期入院。所以，按醫生的計劃，週日（明天8/5）入院，週一（8/6）檢查，週二開刀（8/7），之後在醫院休息個十天左右，再出院。請各位代禱者繼續為我代禱：

The hospital called and said my hospital bed is ready, so that means I am going to check in the hospital tomorrow (8/5).  According to the doctor’s schedule, I will check in the hospital on Aug. 5^th (Sun), do some on check up on Aug. 6^th (Mon) and surgery on Aug. 7^th (Tues).  After the surgery, I will stay at the hospital for about 10 days.  Please pray for the followings: 

1. 手術一切順利，沒有任何的感染或併發症，這次的手術切除，會根治我的癌症，沒有擴散，以後不會再復發。有一位師母為我禱告時，看見耶穌的手在握著醫生的手，為我動手術，而且之後，我在做運動，完全恢復。

The surgery will be smooth and successful without any infection or complication.  This surgery will remove all roots of my cancer and there will be no spreading (metastasis) or any reoccurrence in the future.  One pastor’s wife prayed for me and saw Jesus’ hand is holding the surgeon’s hands to operate on me, and afterwards, saw me exercising and completely healed.

2. 開完刀的復原可以完好迅速，挪去一切不必要的疼痛。在這段時間，秀君會比較辛苦，醫院和家裏兩邊跑，孩子雖然有人幫忙看，禱告他們能適應、安全、懂事。

The recovery after the surgery will be speedy and whole, removing all unnecessary pain.  Siew will work pretty hard during this period, running between the hospital and our apartment.  There is a lady helping us to watch our kids, but pray for their adjustment, safety and understanding.

3. 心裏面還是抱著一絲希望，不需要開刀，禱告求及時的神蹟。今天為開刀禱告時，想到以賽亞書53章5節和詩篇103篇22節。耶穌的鞭傷使我得醫治，而且要隨時隨處讚美祂。

I still have a glimpse of hope of not going through surgery and pray for a timely miracle.  When I was praying for surgery today, I was reminded of Isaiah 53: 5 and Psalm 103:22.  With His stripes I was healed and I got to praise Him whenever and wherever.